What is non-binary gender?
Non-binary is a catch-all term for people who do not see their gender as falling into the binary of either man or woman. In contrast to binary transgender people who identify with the other, binary gender from the one they were assigned at birth, non-binary people don’t identify with the gender they were assigned at birth, but also not with being a man or woman. For them, gender is a unique, individual experience; some (like me) simply shrug at the idea of gender altogether; others specifically define themselves as people who represent both masculine and feminine traits.
Aren’t there just two genders?
Historically, no! The binary system of gender has actually been a more recent Western development. Many cultures across the world have “third” genders, or some kind of category for people who do not fit into either man or woman labels. Gender as a neatly demarcated concept is still very new, and the Bible’s own mixing of gendered ideals and people tells us that gender is far more fluid than modern society tends to think of it. Jacob is described in feminine terms and “stays in the tent” (Gen 25:27), which at the time was a womanly occupation. But he was nonetheless chosen as an ancestor of the people of Israel. In other places, eunuchs play important roles in the life of the church and are honored by God despite not conforming to any specific gender. And Paul himself eschews masculine gender roles by remaining celibate and single and instead spends his time guiding a large church family (tending to the church family seems very feminine to me!).
Related Entries
What does the creation story in Genesis 1 tell us about gender?
Is the eunuch of Acts 8 nonbinary?
Further Reading
Robyn Whitaker, The Conversation, “God made the rainbow: why the Bible welcomes a gender spectrum” (2019)
In My Bible, “Jacob and Esau: The Feminine Son Steals the Blessing” (2016)
Isn’t this just some new fad for saying you don’t fit stereotypes?
Not necessarily! For me, it wasn’t that I didn’t fit the stereotypes of “woman”–there are some things I do that are pretty feminine!–but rather that I didn’t feel any connection with the concept of “womanhood” at all. I could not find a definition or understanding of womanhood that felt like it fit me. It was less about rejecting stereotypes and more about realizing that I didn’t match up to whatever society deemed a woman to be. For many of us non-binary people, it’s more that we don’t feel we fit anywhere, so we are our own thing.
While the term non-binary first started appearing in relation to gender in the last decade, we’ve long had terms for people who don’t fit in the gender binary, like genderqueer, gender fluid, and even, in the 1990s, genderfuck. The concept, too, has been around for a long time. In the 18th century, a Quaker who experienced a personal spiritual transformation began calling themselves The Public Universal Friend and eschewed feminine or masculine pronouns for themselves, asking that people just call them The Friend. They dressed in a mixture of masculine and feminine clothing, often wearing male-coded priestly clothing paired with feminine hats. They preached a gospel of understanding and forged relationships with indigenous tribes in what is now upstate New York, eventually founding a town.
Further Listening
“The Public Universal Friend,” Stuff You Missed in History Class (2020)
Are non-binary people transgender?
Yes and no! It depends on how you define transgender. Some non-binary people will take that label for themselves; others do not. Some non-binary will medically transition and take hormones and get surgeries, and others will not. The uniting factor for non-binary people is that we don’t see ourselves as represented by current labels of “man” or “woman” and will take whatever steps we personally feel necessary to present ourselves in a way that feels comfortable to us.
Related Entries
What does it mean to be transgender and Christian?
What pronouns should I use for non-binary people?
If you don’t know the non-binary person and they have not stated their pronouns, they/them is typically a safe bet. But if you are meeting a non-binary individual in person, then asking them is the best course. Some non-binary people use different pronouns; some may be comfortable using she or he interchangeably, and still others feel most comfortable with “they.”
Further Reading
Harmeet Kaur, CNN, “Why it matters what pronouns you use to refer to people and what to do if you slip up” (2019)
Jill Johnson, Ministry Matters, “Christians and gender neutral pronouns” (2019)
Isn’t “they/them” a plural, though? Do I say “they is”?
Think about the last time you had to talk about a person for a hypothetical. Chances are, you used “they” as a singular pronoun without even realizing it! We do it all the time in our language without realizing it, so being a grammar stickler when a person specifically requests those pronouns is not a great way to respond (the singular They has also been in use since the 13th century, if we want to get really pedantic about it!). Grammar rules do still apply with subject verb agreement though, so “they is” is right out. For example: “Dianna uses they/them pronouns. They are going to the store later today to pick up some bread and cheese for their dinner.” Practice it and you’ll get it right eventually.
Okay, so, I’m at church and we have a new non-binary member. How can I make them feel welcome?
It’s good that you want to make people like me feel welcome! Using our pronouns are often the most basic form of respect you can offer a person, just as you would call someone by the name they prefer and not insist on giving them an unwanted nickname or call them “buddy” all the time. But it’s also important to examine specific ways binary gender is embedded in your messaging. Presumably, you’re already working to avoid gender stereotypes about “nagging wives” or “absent-minded husbands,” but do you still say “opposite sex”? Do you have life groups/Bible study groups that are grouped by identifiers other than gender, like age groups or similar interests, or neighborhoods where people live? When a non-binary person shows up and the only options are “man” or “woman,” it often means that choosing one means continually being misgendered and assumed to be something they’re not.
Related Entries
How do we talk about the people of God?
My friend came out as non-binary and changed their name to a strange object. I think it’s weird. What should I do?
Names are weird in general, aren’t they? My pastor in my church growing up had the middle name Sigdor because his family just invented it for him. Non-binary people sometimes like to challenge conventions about what can and cannot be a name by naming themselves after objects or ideas that they align with or try for something with a sense of play since they view all gender as just a fun game. Eliminate that ‘oh that’s weird’ tendency in reaction to a person’s name. It’s their name! Respect it. If you can handle The Artist Formerly Known as Prince, you can handle calling your friend by their chosen name.
Where can I read more?
If you’re willing to wait, I have a book coming out in Summer 2022 from Broadleaf Books! Keep your eye on my author page on Amazon (or your favorite booksellers) for a preorder link. But I also recommend reading and following other non-binary people who often talk about their experiences: KC Slack, Avory Faucette, Kivan Bay, Da’Shaun L. Harrison, Alex Marzano-Lesnevich, Oliver Ash-Kleine, and Britni de la Cretaz. For reading, I recommend Gender Queer by Maia Kobabe, Stone Butch Blues by Leslie Feinberg, Female Masculinity by Jack Halberstam, and Transforming: The Bible and the Lives of Transgender Christians by Austen Hartke.
Oh, final question: hyphen or no?
It’s up for debate! There aren’t a lot of strong feelings or arguments either way, but I prefer the hyphen because it marks out that I am separating myself out from this thing called a “binary.” But I’ll switch back and forth depending on how pedantic I’m feeling that day, so if you do or don’t use it, it’s fine.
Further Reading
Austen Hartke, Christian Century, “Nonbinary gender and the diverse beauty of creation” (2018)
Austen Hartke, Transforming: The Bible and the Lives of Transgender Christians (2018)
James Brownson, Bible, Gender, Sexuality: Reframing the Church’s Debate on Same-Sex Relationships (2013)
